Album: Planet Her by Doja Cat
Food: A sandwich made with two slices of sourdough bread with cheddar cheese and sriracha. Toasted in my George Foreman grill.
Magnums should be ⅓ smaller and crisp packets should be ⅓ bigger. Living alone is mostly changing your tampon in the kitchen. Living alone is lying on your bed naked next to an open window singing Adele. Living alone is only hoovering if you really want to. Living alone is never running out of oat milk. Living alone is using your really noisy vibrator while listening to erotic podcasts through your bluetooth speaker. Perfume bottles should be either completely full or nearly empty and should never be seen in the middle. The only nice food is a toasted cheese sandwich. Waiters keep being nice to me and I don’t know why. Pizza is different from pizza and pringles are not crisps. I can’t believe I have to tidy up for the rest of my fucking life. There’s no such thing as not having any laundry. There’s no such thing as being the right temperature. My life is one extended hangover punctuated by short stints of drunkenness, which is different from being an alcoholic which is extended drunkenness punctuated by hangovers. I would like to be that woman in Mae Martin’s Feel Good who is a compulsive liar at AA meetings. Maybe I am that woman. Why am I obsessed with food? The nemesis of body image. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels but when you never feel skinny food’s a strong second. Teaching is a vocation but it's certainly not mine. I haven’t stopped being sweaty for a week. I want to shout in a bar about my feelings like it's football. Men don’t need therapy because they already shouted at a bar that day. Cinema is when you and two of your bestest gal pals are sat on a pavement next to a bus stop, tequila drunk and smoking a spliff and one of you holds a tube of pringles out to the other who blindly thrusts her hand in while proclaiming ‘The thing is, the way that manipulators work is to break you down to build you back up. He deprives you of what you deserve so it feels special when he gives it to you’ and then the third friend is promptly sick in a gutter. The two girls help the third onto the night bus and argue about drag queens and agree about politics all the way home. I think to myself that that might have been the most beautiful moment of my life.
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